Monday, April 9, 2012

In the SPHERE and back

After near 5 days of being buried in an ebook, during office hours, I feel like a baby just out of the womb. I feel vulnerable, yet am able to retract into that space, that place inside, unknown to me before. I slip back into the SPHERE, where even I lived for the past 5 days. The movements around me, people and their reactions seem like a motion picture to be seen through the porthole. Everything is silent inside, but the noise hurts the ear when woken up from the dreamless phase, the seamless world of the ocean. I wonder if the book helped unlock an inner state of being, a place I always wanted to reach. I thought meditation would help, funny what a book, a submarine and the endless ocean brought me.

But then again, people say its easier to lock oneself in another realm, ignoring the present. Why not? If it helps to better understand the present, to better cope with the difficulties or even brace for the future. The mind knows not what it can hide, surface, resurface or never disclose. A maze of endless possibilities? My world hides in there, and so do I. Like drifting in the ocean, a floating buoyant object, drifting away....staring at the sky above. Swimming through space. Where emotions don't matter, complicate or even bother. A passive motion, effortless without pain, or even stoic instincts.

However, I will snap to the present, the gravitational pull of the current spaces, of the energy of the bodies around me will bring me back from my stupor. I wake up. To the present, the so-called known and the pain. Is it worth it you ask? To live a dreamless yogic life as opposed an impassioned world of emotions, anger or anxiety. Open up yourself to another person, open to get hurt, or even face extremely frustrating times. To fall back against a wall, smash your fist through it...but the pain never ends. But ITS WORTH IT. Every bit.

I may contradict myself, but who doesn't. There are times you like an apple, there are times you prefer that melon. But its necessary to be true, to what you feel then and there. Time changes, its not static, why should you? If you do, is it worth it? If it is, then hang on to it.

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